Love language no. 3 - Quality time

So how have I gone the past week with 'Words of affirmation'...well I haven't done too bad at making a habit of saying 'I love you' to the kids whenever I leave them - although this was pretty easy to incorporate into the hug I give them before I go (which I started doing for the 'Physical touch' language). I haven't made a video yet, but still intend on doing it sometime this week. I haven't done too bad mentioning things about Ben's accomplishments, but I must admit I still haven't really done much of this with Joanna, although I am trying. One of the things I've found I'm doing that I didn't do much of before (and wasn't actually one of the specific things that I said I was going to try), is I've be using some of the times when I've been praising the kids about some behaviour and turning it into 'word of guidance'. Mainly for Ben's benefit at this stage, explaining why the certain behaviour is good and what the results of showing certain 'good' behaviour is (the kind of thing I've always done with bad behaviour/stand and think/time-out stuff, but this time for the good behaviour).

Anyway, as you know from the title of this post - this week is all about 'Quality time'. For those who haven't read the book, it is quick to point out that although there is a lot of talk these days about 'quality time' most kids are starving from it. It also isn't jumping into the quality vs quantity debate.

Quality time is focused attention - giving a child your undivided attention. When spending quality time with your child, you need to go to their physical/emotional level of development.

Being together - The most important factor in quality time is not the event itself, but that you are doing something together. You need to look for times when you can be alone with each of your children. Quality time should include pleasant, loving eye contact. Looking into your child's eyes with care is a powerful way to convey love from your heart to the heart of your child.

Sharing thoughts and feelings - As you spend time with your children, you will find that a natural result often is good conversation about everything related to your lives.
Quality conversations - Children never outgrow a need for quality conversation with parents and other adults. Learning how to communicate on this level will serve them well in their own future relationships: marriage; teach how to build friendships; how to relate to work associates; show how to process their own thoughts; communicate in a positive, caring manner that respects the ideas of others; example of how to disagree without being disagreeable. With younger children, one of the most effective times to initate conversation is at bedtime, when they are especially attentive.
Storytelling and conversations - All children love stories. During or after reading a story together, you can pause to let a child identify his feelings about the events or characters and then talk about them. This helps them to understand that their behaviour is tied to their feelings.

Planning for quality time - Ideas include: Regular mealtimes as a family are a natural event around which to plan; or overnight trips (one parent with one child). Need to plan time, otherwise it easily doesn't happen (although planning does not mean you can't have some spontaneity).

What I have realised from reading the ideas/suggestions for how to incorporate more quality time with your children, is that we aren't doing too bad, things that I wouldn't have automatically thought of as being 'quality time' are on the list including:
- including your child in your daily activities such as laundry, grocery shopping, or washing dishes.
-cook something together for a snack
- give older children cameras to record meaningful occassions (ok, so we've probably started Ben a bit earlier than what they were thinking - but he likes taking photos in general anyway)

And the things I'm specifically going to try and do this week are:
- making eye contact with Ben when he tells me something important
- ask very specific questions about Ben's day that do not have a yes or no answer
- Arrange or look for times when I can spend more one-on-one time with Joanna
- spending a few extra minutes (we already do read stories and pray at bedtime) putting each child to bed at night, including stories, talking about the day and praying together.
- make photo albums together for each child