Love language no.2 - Words of Affirmation

So it is that start of week 2 of my 'Five love languages of children' project. First I'll fill you in on how my week went concentrating on 'Physical touch'. I didn't find it too difficult as it was more just putting some extra ? into my ? I stared giving Ben 'high fives' when praising him for doing something well or when he finished doing something I'd asked him to do. He seems to really like this (big smile, excited voice) and enthusiastically returns the 'high five', which usually means that 3 or so are done in succession. I still need to remind myself about doing this as it isn't a habit yet. I also have played tackle/tickle with the kids more this week than what I normally would, usually they were the ones to start it, but instead of saying I was 'too tired' or 'busy', I would take some time to play it with them for a bit. I have also tried to snuggle with the kids whenever watching DVDs or reading books.

This week I think is going to be a little harder. This is mainly because as my children can't read yet, I'm limited to mainly verbal forms of giving 'words of affirmation' (ie. can't write notes to put in their lunchbox etc.). Anyway to help me get a better grasp of the various different kinds of 'words of affirmation', I'm going write a brief summary of each here.

Words of Affection and Endearment: This is the 'I love you' words, expressing appreciation for the very being of a child( those characteristics and abilities that are part of the total package of a person). With young children who don't necessarily understand what the phrase means, you need to associated it with your affectionate feelings. It can then be connected regular events such as going to play or going to bed.

Words of Praise: We express praise for what a child does - either in achievements or behaviour or conscious attitudes. It is for something over which the child has a degree of control. Don't use praise too frequently as children know when it is given for justified reasons or not.

Words of Encouragement: We are seeking to give children the courage to attempt more. Very important with young children as most experiences are new. Can be used in relation to verbal development (when trying to pronounce words correctly; social development etc. Most effective when they are focused on a specific effort your child has made. When we feel encouraged we are better able to encourage our children. The biggest enemy to encouragement is anger. Children more likely to respond favourably to our ideas (rather than reject), when we use a soft, pleasant voice.

Words of Guidance: Loving guidance always has the child's best interests in mind. It's purpose is to help the child develop the qualities that will serve him well in the future. Words of guidance must be given in a positive way. To do this parents need to be looking closely at the interests and abilities of their children and giving positive verbal reinforcement of those interests (academic, etiquette, personal relationships etc.) Negative aspects of child guidance (eg. don't smoke, don't speed) can be verbalised in a loving manner.

Ok, so here are a few other specific ways I'm going to try and show love through 'word of affirmation' (one's I haven't done before or very rarely): making a habit of mentioning something specific I've observed that highlights Ben's or Joaana's accomplishments (this is something I already do a bit with Ben, but haven't really thought about doing with Joanna much); record a video telling Ben/Joanna how much he/she means to me (including a bunch of clips of us doing stuff together - they like to see themselves); make a habit to say "I love you" whenever I leave the kids.

I think it is going to be a bit harder for me this week, but I'll see how I go.